The last day of the week, Sunday.

On a lazy Sunday afternoon when the sun was at its most powerful status, I laid in my bed, exhausted and tired. Energy draining as my eyes start to shut but I forcibly tried to keep them open.

Why?

My blinds were wide open and I was glazing outside the window, sort of upside down as my head was tilted backwards. For god knows why it felt comfortable. The view outside my window was just green, blue and white. Green being the giant tree planted near the kerb and blue and white being the fluffy clouds in the blue sky. The colours were amazingly beautiful and matched perfectly. From the perspective I was looking at the world from, it had felt like I was in a rainforest. I could just manage to fight my eyes through and see the top of the trees and hear the melody the birds were chirping from their nest. It was serene and magical.

I enjoyed the scene for a few minutes more until.... until... I couldn't move my head. My heart dropped a mile. My head spinning but not dizzy. I was solidified in that position and had tried to adjust my neck and head. After a few minutes, I had finally returned back to my normal position and rested, waiting for my neck to adjust and discontinue the pain it was sending to my brain.

I had just realised that the whole time, the afternoon sun was hiding behind the clouds and as soon as I got out of bed, it reappeared. It felt like it was sending me an indirect message. A bit like celebrating that I finally got out of bed to attack these little strong devils by the names of Procrastination and Demotivation. Good names aye? I thought so.
As I was sitting on the edge of my bed, my watch was caught my attention. The time. Tick tick tick. Half an hour later it was....

Here I will finalise my Sunday story by saying that I was attacked by Procrastination and Demotivation. Might I add, Daydream too, the other devil.

Must I conclude that I will attack all three of them by today and let the world live in peace with productivity, inspiration and realistic prospects.

I have returned, as promised. 

Today's  weather is treating us all who love the warm winter sun very well. It's always good to feel the winter sun after a couple of days of shower and those morning crisp breezes makes life...content? Or maybe fulfilling sounds more suitable. That odd feeling that comes every now and then making you feel that you have fulfilled an ambition or that feeling that will give you motivation to accomplish your day to day activities or that feeling where you feel like you don't have a load of worries, stress and sadness rested on your shoulders and that you will be able to fight through your day with a smile.

I am enjoying my final day of holidays and I am to start a new semester tomorrow morning at 10. So far, I care less about being productive on the last day but I know I am being productive, if defined under my own dictionary. I am doing what everyone else does, downloading drama :) Oh, and of course printing lecture notes and what not. So this drama I mentioned is a Hong Kong drama which is a sequel to its prequel that was released in 2003. 10 years later, they have finally released this drama which had kept me on my toes since last year and I have been longing for these drama days to happen and it has (just when uni starts =/ )! However, I admire this drama because it had influenced me to become a steward/air hostess. It still is part of my goal but I am very hesitant to follow that path only because of the lack of personal skills and other influences and factors to consider. I was very eager for this career only because back then, every child probably had the most pure and peaceful mind with less or almost nothing to care about. However,  this pathway may be considered for real in the near future. Moreover, this pathway had not only been influenced by a drama but also because of my family background. My parents flying in and out several times a year had also played a role. Now that they don't fly as often because of the unbearable flight tickets, it sort of impacted my decisions to be a air hostess so I can fly on a regular basis. Just like people taking the bus to and from work on a daily basis. The last contributor to my ambition is because I have a great interest in travelling to other countries and learn about the lifestyle and culture of the people around the world yet also trying to relate lives together to create something that could make a big influence to other people's lives.

So back to the drama (I got a little off track there), it is one of the largest production in terms of cast, budget and filming destinations and with a great cast, it makes a memorable and influential drama, hence why I have told myself that I will try to make time to watch my drama. 40 minutes-1 hour of drama won't hurt, I hope.

On another note, I have slowly pursued my goal to expand and promote my hobby over the holidays which is photography. I have not decided what type of photography I like. It's pretty diverse and my creativity stretches out to a couple of hundred options but so far, I am admiring landscape/panoramic, food (obviously) and the whole ''vintage'' perspective. I also admire architectural, artistic and taking pictures in an interior setting (don't know what that would be categorised as, formally). However, once I get my hands on a desired camera, I have a feeling macro would appeal to me the most but who knows, my taste could change. For now, living off my phone =/ which is good, better than nothing to satisfy a hobby. A hobby that may evolve to a profession I hope :)

Whatever it is that you dream for, just do it to make yourself happy :)

It feels to soon to end this post because now that I have started typing away, it feels like there's a lot more to be said however, time is limited.

#iwillbeback *inserts scary and intense background music*

Nah jokes, I will be back.

Happy living~

i ...

i ...
... need to change my blog skin
... need to update my blog more often
... need to regular post on my blog
... need to do so many things
... thought i had more than enough time this winter break
... dont
... only have three days left not including today
... need more time
... feel like this is going to be a recap of my break
... need to warn you, you will not be surprised

i...
... worked
... worked 5 days a week
... presume that my money machete is probably loaded
... believe i am too rich for uni now
... think that's how i would've summarised my break
... would be surprised if you didn't guess correctly

i ...
... just thought this isn't exactly the right time to go all deep
... just typed whatever but honestly
... am kind of distracted by downloading dramas and they say piracy is a crime

i ...
... will be back before uni starts
... do not want to neglect this blog
... had taken some sort of personal courage to give life to this blog last year
... would be quite disheartened to leave this
... promise i will be back

i ...
... pledged an oath just then

i ...
... must say farewell for now
... will be back
... want you to stay tuned for me

#hashtagisbecomingaddictive
#kthxbai

What do you want in life?

Good afternoon.

So surprisingly I have decided to come back here to just do some typing and to let my fingers do the thinking. Right now, it is cold and freezing. Temperature is 15 degrees at the moment. I don't agree with it. Feels super cold and my fingers are numb.  I can barely feel that I am touching the keys so I'm actually typing harder than I normally do. It's funny how other people who live in colder countries think this Brisbane winter weather isn't cold. and that's because they live in countries that snow and live in weather temperatures reaching into the negatives. Can't imagine what I would be like if I lived there. I do want to see snow though. I think it's one of natures gifts to us in a form of a smooth ice texture. 

My fingers are really doing the thinking right now as I had no intention to blog so soon... like 2 weeks after my last blog post. I am procrastinating and that's what everyone does.

The teaching semester is to end in about a week and I am so glad that it will come to an end very soon, for this semester at least. I don't seem to be enjoying what I am doing and many of you may have heard me going on and on about my dissatisfaction of my studies. And a few of you may have suggested me alternatives which I am thankful for receiving but I guess it all comes down to me.
But for now, rather than repeating myself to you about my dissatisfaction, I shall look ahead. Look at what my winter semester break be filled with. I have no idea. I have all these activities and events I want to go to or organise but it feels like I dont have the capability of doing it. So hesitant and somewhat indecisive. 
I actually thought I have grown out of this personality of being indecisive but more recently, it has returned to haunt me. Maybe it's existence is telling me that what I might be doing in my daily life is incorrect or that there are other greater opportunities out there for me.

I have all these great ambitions to become a mini photographer. I haven't actually gave it much thought as I have with all the downsides to my life. Maybe that's why I feel indecisive. So I guess it has always been a word of advice for those mature people out there to 'follow your dreams'. I think it has become apparent to me that these sayings are so true. But I dont know where to start to actually 'follow my dreams'. So many things are holding me back from personal studies to family to personal acquaintances with other people. 

Currently, it honestly feels like I am this notepad waiting to be written all over by a pen, the controller. It feels like I'm being controlled and god, things don't get any better. They have over the past year but I guess 2013 is pretty much figuring out what I really want to make life out of. I dont want to pursue anything major or enormous but just something that can satisfy my life. 

I guess this post has barely scratched the surface of many things that are a bother/worry or even joyful but it i guess the message is just to figure what you want.....

What do you want in life?

#gladtohavepostedthis

Demotivation #1

All things happen for a reason. Really. It does. How things are timed so perfectly can cause devastation or astonishment. Not one can control the timing of events (this is not a religious post but a general food of thought, ignoring all other spiritual and godly and miraculous persons).That's when predictions and assumptions come into place. But I know for fact "fck everything and keep moving on".
KTHXBAI

#postcompletedjustlikethatcauseimlazy

End of  "demotivationing"

London bridge is falling down, falling down....don't let it fall.

Just like a song, how there is the chorus.  Everyone knows the chorus but after the chorus, they just hum the rest and keep repeating the chorus. They don't know the bridge of the song. The meaning behind this is that everyone knows the usual, the norms and the things that are apparent and easy to catch. However, a few of us do  know the bridge. The bridge that gets over to the other side of the usuals. Therefore people are always stuck at the chorus not knowing how to build a bridge and get over it. Simple sayings are significant and so logical but not things we think about daily. So next time if your friend is mad, sad....tell them this.

Don't let the bridge collapse  :)

Deep words

Ever had those days when you feel like you're the last to cross the finishing line? Or maybe you're running towards the closing doors of the lifts and get denied to step in because it's full? Or even, in a dramatic sense, the last to leave the world and you have no clue what to do, where to go or who to even approach to for help? Or maybe you have experienced ALL of that at once? Today in this blog, I don't feel like I should be very straightforward with the topic unfortunately however it's my form of saying escaping or avoiding the reality.

From time to time, you might feel very left out or simply just feeling out of place. It is a very awkward feeling yet unpleasant because you feel very confused yet you don't know who to hail for assistance.....because....you feel out of place.

You thought you could strive on your own trying to motivate yourself and be strong enough to push up the hill but there aren't many things left in this world that are successfully achieved through individual effort. No matter how lonely you are or how lonely you have been or how lonely you will be, there has and will always be one particular momentum, which is your inner self. I did say there aren't many things left that can be achieved individually but your inner self isn't part of your individual being. It is in fact, the INFLUENCES made/impacted by your past experiences and the people you have found and lost over your years of living.

Tricky stuff.

Hope this piece of advice will guide the followers of this blog and especially to a particular person.

Happy living

#10.03.13

the ups and downs..mostly ups :)

It has just hit noon here in this fast weather changing state. as of recent, a majority of the state suffered tremendous loss and grief for the floods and houses that have been demolished due to fallen trees. the weather is indeed unpredictable at times =/ and so til today, some families out there are still trying to retrieve what they had lost whilst i blog this new and... refreshing post.

indeed it has been a month or so since i have blogged and here we are, already in the second month of the year! time really has flown way too quick for me to catch up.

the last month hasnt been all that great but i am fortunate to be living.

what has happened? 

well, as part of my new year's resolution, i wanted to start learning how to make coffee..a barista actually and so i thought i was going to achieve this goal so soon already because i had applied at this new chocolate/coffee restaurant. i was so grateful when i was notified that i had gotten the job and appreciated my motivation to achieve this particular new year's resolution. not long after, i started my first shift. as always, it takes a couple of weeks to get used to the environment and atmosphere so my first shift wasn't all that fun. the next few shifts i had were alright.... if i had to rate how happy i was working at that time, i'd say 5. neutral. eventually things turned for a downfall and i wasnt enjoying as much as i imagined it to be. the restaurant was very unorganised and a few times, they had contacted me and used 'there are too many people working' excuse to tell me that i didn't need to do my shifts. eventually, with a personality like mine, i was frustrated and gave it a long thought if it was me that was the trouble to them. was i not up to pace or doing something wrong. luckily, i broadened up my perspective and to just forget about the job. it is just a casual job and it wont be my career. although it is my resolution to be a barista and i might have already just failed that, i still need to set up my priorities. so just yesterday, i handed back my uniform. all has been gone pretty much. i have to achieve this resolution...maybe not this year, only if time is giving me a chance. i have got to say that i am so so so fortunate that i have kept my previous job otherwise..ill be jobless and it is increasingly difficult to be employed nowadays. 

so now that's out of my mind, i feel much more .. opened up to more options that will lighten me up. i am currently also trying to find a job that is related to my study degree because i know it's important to get a head start before everything is too late.

anyway, other than that, i haven't done much. recently, i started exercising. not to lose weight but i feel like i need to go out and just release my inner thoughts. secondly, to be more paced because i feel fat but i know im not but it's just that my breathing isnt paced and exercising might be the solution to it. in other words, i don't feel fit enough.

oh, and just a few days ago, i hanged out with a few friends of mine. it was just a casual meet up, no agenda in particular. however, when i was with them for the short 3-4 hours, i felt really distant because it felt like i didnt have much to say or talk about and it kind of makes me feel...awkward in the group...not that there is a group anymore. everyone is dispersed out in general. i am not too sure if my life is really boring that i have nothing to talk about like as in, i dont go to any of those big events, general outings and all of that may have been the result of this whole awkwardness. this awkwardness has obviously accumulated over time. i'd say since the end of high school, i have gradually been 'deteriorating' from this whole social life/network. 

however, i hope that this will heal overtime and things will be the way it has been a couple of years ago. but anyway, none this emo crap.

on a bright note, i got a new phone...my first smartphone should i say. i feel really...un-updated. but anyway, im glad i got a new phone. its the best gift i got in years! :)

oh and the same bright end..... this youtube group by the name of Wongfu Productions introduced a new awkward animal. and guessssssss what it is?!?!?!?!??!?! AWKWARD GIRAFFEE. it's adorable and cute and unique and it's a giraffe!! for god sakes! its the most wonderful thing brought into this UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sadly, its AUD26 D: i mean, i would get it..but i dont come from a family that allows me to be flexible in spending. but that's totally okay for now! i saved it as my wallpaper on my phone and that should be enough for the time being ^^

anyway, its time for some lunch! :)